Monday, 26 July 2010

So yesterday, i posted a question on Twitter. How soon after a break up are you "allowed" to start dating? Everybody basically said it was up to each indiviual. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years, whatever.


But, does the time left between the break and dating anew reflect how you felt about your ex? If i literally start trawling dating sites 2 days after the break up, does that show everyone i didn't really love/feel anything for my ex? Hmmm....


I loved my ex, but wasn't "in" love with him. I feel like i grew up with him and learnt alot from being with him. But in the end, i felt like i was making all the compromises and felt that i was having to change who i was to fit his mould on what i should be like. I was with him for 11 years so it will continue to feel strange but i'm so ready to not be with him anymore.


So, 2 days after the break up (please don't judge.....), i log on to a new dating site (not even sure if it is new, basically just newly aware of it) Lovestruck London. I set up a profile, load up my picture and feel quite excited about what lies ahead. Giggling to myself, i start looking through potential new blood. This Gung Ho attitude may have had something to do with drinking a whole bottle of Bacardi Mojito to myself but it all seemed, well, fun.


Waking up the next morning and checking my e-mails on my iPhone, i spot a message informing me that someone fancies me and has "winked" at me. Slightly panicking, i grab my laptop so i can catch a better look at the fellow. After what seems like an eternity, his picture loads up and i just think, "Hmmm" Not really impressed but ever so slightly flattered that someone "winked" at me. It actually made me stop and think "Am i truly ready to date after my break-up?".


Although i am very sure i am so ready to move on, i realised i didn't want to be with someone. For the first time in about 15 years, i 'm ready to be single and enjoy being single. Not necessarily, the dating side, but just being me. Not having to spread myself so thinly to make everyone happy and do everything. I spent my twenties going to University, working full time, raising my little girl and partying. For the first time ever, i'm sure of the Career that i'm after and am happy to stay home (most of the time......) raising my children. Loving the fact that i can now go to bed every night in my favourite tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt, not have to worry about wearing matching underwear, hold in my stomach when i get out of bed and the only early morning wake up calls will be my son calling my name, not something sticking in my back......


I'm not trying to pretend that being single after an 11 year relationship is going to be all good but i'm not frightened either. With 2 loud children running around, i'm hardly going to be alone. I may not be ready just yet to start dating but i may just keep my profile up at Lovestruck. It will be nice to know if someone has been winking at me and remind me that when i am ready, i can wink back.